I'm Lost

So it's been a month since I've written here. I hit a bad point in life, and still trying to dig myself out of it. Short Version of Story: I got kicked out recently, but no worries. I have that under control. For the most part. It has it's ups and downs. I'm still trying to get my room together, I've had no spare time to do anything. Everything is still all over the place, and I hope soon to fix that. I also am recovering from being very ill with who knows what. But it's taken for ever to get out of my system. I have basically no white blood cells to keep me goin. My grades have gone down. I haven't been very happy lately, I've kind of been going in a downward spiral. and I'm sure those of you around me have noticed. and I apologize for that. I probably bring you down sometimes. And I really don't mean to. I'm just ready to be back to my old self. I don't want to fall off the face of the earth, because that would probably be the worst thing for me to do right now. A few weeks ago, Alex and I broke up. And I wish more then anything that we didn't. He's everywhere I go, everything I do reminds me of him. Everyone I see has some kind of facial feature that just leads back to him. You don't know how many times I catch myself awake at night crying. I don't know how much he cares about anything, and that's what gets me the most. I feel like a piece of shit. I wish things were different. I wish every situation I've been put in the last few months were different. I feel like moving out of Utah. I want to so badly, I don't have a reason to really stay. I wouldn't be running away from any problems, because there really isn't problems I have to run away from in the first place. I just feel like I shouldn't be here anymore. I need a change, and I don't think it will happen as long as I'm here. I really hope that things start looking up. I'm going to start working really hard to get what I need to done, I am going to try to be good at EVERYTHING I want to be good at. I need to stop worrying so much.

On a good note though, I finally got the balls to quit Downeast. Thanks to the district manager over there. And I now am working at LoveSac, I couldn't ask for a better staff. I'm gonna miss Charlie when he leaves on Christmas. It won't be quite the same.

sun stopper

Photo by: Tricki

I'm laying in my bed right now, listening to Modest Mouse. I miss the old times, Modest Mouse brings me back to the place I used to be. I loved that place. I'm still in that place, but everything has changed here. I don't mind the change, I'm still really really happy with everything (even though I complain a bunch haha). But I just miss how things were sometimes. The people that were in my life, I wish I could have them, and the people in my life now right here. In the place that I am (and I'm not talking about my bed)
It was very dark today, The sun came out for about eleven minutes while I was outside today. And boy was it nice to see the sun. The clouds stop the sun. Sometimes I wish I could be on the other side of the cloud, I bet it gets hot up there though.
I want to wear something nice tomorrow, but I don't think I have anything nice. Anything nice and comfortable that is. I always look like a bum, And that's alright. But ya know, Sometimes I just wanna look nice. The laziness has got to stop!
I've realized the past couple weeks that every time I get the littlest bit stressed out I slick my hair back with my hand. It's turned into a habit I can't stop doing. I guess it puts a little volume to my bangs because my hair just falls back into place. But since I have noticed this was going on, It's really starting to get on my nerves that I can't stop.
I think I need to go to the city soon, I need to uhh say. maybe go to the ocean. I want to draw a picture, but not just my doodles, because that's all I do. I never just sit down and try to draw something good. Something that really makes a good picture.
So since I took that drive to Draper, I had my realization moment with all these nice houses, and nice things, and nice everything, and most of all the nice scenery. I want to be filthy rich. Wouldn't it be nice. Well I'm out for now. Let's hang out, text me.
I miss Sarah Samples. A lot.
& Nneoma still has to come back to Utah. COUGH COUGH NNEOMA!

The Recovery

This weekend was one of the weirdest ones I have had in a while, Not necessarily bad weird, but just weird. It was also really good. Today was busy. It sucked, but all turned out pretty well. I have to get some things taken care of, and that will come in time. Today I shot my boyfriend Alex's band. www.myspace.com/therecoveryut . Check them out!
The pictures turned out pretty alright for being last minute, hey we woke up like an hour ago, fuck we are going to take pictures, oh god, we got to think of something fast kind of deal. I haven't posted them on my photography page quite yet, but I'm going to very soon, so check em out www.myspace.com/caitysphotography .
I watched the weirdest movie this weekend, well part of it, a pretty good part of it actually, It's called Henrey somethin somthin serial killer, Basically people just killin people and doin people left and right, really really weird, I suggest you find the actual name out and watch it.
Well I have some editing to do, single shots are the only ones left to do. sweet business. peace.

p.s. Let's shoot. email me at caityleem@hotmail.com see ya!

I got my drive

I finally got to take that drive I've been wanting to take. It was so nice. It was my sister, Jaycee, and I. We wanted to let Jaycee sleep, but we didn't want to go home because me and my sister both knew that we'd fall asleep too, and that would be the end of our day. So we had Jaycee sleep in her car seat while we took a two hour drive. First we just took the freeway circle, because we were trying to kill some time. We decided we wanted to say hello to Palmer, but he didn't get off til five, so we had about an hour and fifteen minutes to kill. For some reason my first thought was let's go to draper, and try to find a cool road. Sounded really gay for a minute, still probably sounds gay, but GOD did we find a nice road, very scenic and beautiful. There were so many mansions, and just super nice houses, with super rich people, It motivated me to want to be rich. There was one mansion in particular that really stuck out to us, it was up the mountain a ways, And boy did we get a closer look, we ended up in these people's driveway. I really wanted to go make friends with these people. hahah. We drove around Draper a little longer, just being depressed because we don't have the things that these people do. The scenery is what depressed us the most, Our town is nothing like theirs over there, I'm just super jealous. I don't care if I was living in the smallest house ever, I just want to live over there so I could drive down those roads everyday. Beautiful beautiful.
My check was late again, supposedly it got to my work this morning though, so I'll have to go pick it up. I'm hoping the downeast store opens at gateway soon, I really want to be working back over there. I miss Gateway, and the people there. I got so used to it. Fashion Place just isn't as fun, there's not very many random people, hardly anyone wants to keep a conversation with you because they are too busy shopping. At Gateway you had semi intellegent, outgoing people that just wanted to talk, be friendly, and maybe make a longtime friend. Such better vibes downtown.
I think I am going to make my way downtown today. I'm not exactly sure. I want to do something. I want to do something with my camera, I kind of want to read. I kind of want to shop, I kind of want to go out and do a lot of things.
I'd like to go to Ogden today, and see Brant, and Alex. Maybe take Alex home with me, but I really do not feel like driving THAT far today, by myself, when I have no idea where I'm going. I guess I could though. We'll see how the day goes. I really want to shoot someone with my camera. Give me a call if you have my number. If you don't message me at caityleem@hotmail.com.
Well I guess I'm out. I should shower, clean up my room a bit. Put my camera on the charger, then when all my stuff is done and I can leave the house. I'll end up somewhere having a good time. See ya!

I just want to fill up my gas tank & drive

Photo by:Saligia

Drive until I can't drive anymore, Drive super far away. Just for fun. This is my need right now. Well I'm off to work, I get a short drive. See ya!

Photo not taken by me.

OBAMA IS THE MAN!

HE WON! I knew he would. I really have no idea about who was planning on doing what, but I knew after a while that Obama was going to win, so I didn't research it much, especially because I cannot yet vote! Obamama... So now that I got that out of the way...
I did a photoshoot on Sunday at H20 Salon. Michelle Emerson was the photographer, and Teddy was the one who did my hair. If you like it, and need to get your hair done, I suggest you go to Teddy. You only get to see the back shot. But yeeeah. He's pretty good.
Work today, all I gotta say is Gabby knows what's up, and I got nothing accomplished because of it. What I did do was make an Obama butterfly, and Colored winnie the poo pictures, is that even how you spell it? Don't know. But I think I colored Christopher Robin's cousin. She turned out pretty great, the indents on the table gave it a great texture, made me look like a pro colorer.
Tomorrow, My mom is letting me stay home from school so I can watch movies with my sister. I need a relax day, so it'll be nice, plus I can get my room cleaned, 100% clean.
My arm has itched so bad lately, It's killin me I've been itchen it for almost a week, and it just doesn't stop, My bathroom is still nice as ever, We painted the walls this uhhh I think it's a tanish color.
I'll tell you what, I'm wearing the most comfortable outfit right now, I bought this sweater for about twelve dollars, and some long leggings for about four dollars and fifty cents. I suggest for all you women out there that if you want something comfortable, go for leggings and a big t shirt or sweater. It's super cute, and super comfy. Cute shoes help. I'm in desperate need, All I have are heels for now. Anyway, I'm out, I have a lot of editing to do tonight.

Also, I'm trying to earn money through doing shoots, so if you want to set something up, Let me know, and whenever I don't have work we'll shoot. I've got the details if you want them. check out www.myspace.com/caitysphotography Well I'm out, See ya!

The time change messes with my mind

For the first couple days, It's going to take a long time to get used to it, but now I'm not going to be late for school. hahaha.
This morning was thee longest morning in my life. I couldn't sit still, I couldn't stay asleep. I should have cleaned my room, But instead I watched television, and read a book, Then showered. Our bathroom got remodeled. It looks super nice. The bathroom looks so much bigger now. I love it. The shower heads we have too, are SUPER AMAZING. I'm in love with my bathroom.
I had my shoot today. It went smoothly, but I was super nervous the whole time. There's one picture in particular I really enjoy. The photographer was funny, The make up artist looked awesome, Her hair and tattoos, her face. I was super jealous.
I'm gonna clean my room though, My blogs are so boring sometimes.
Up at the top is a picture I took of myself before the shoot.
Also, I'm ready to set up a few shoots, if you are down, email me at caityleem2@gmail.com

Rainy

I started my day off with some Ovaltine, as always. I've had a horrible couple of days, but I love all my friends I've been seeing lately. The rain has put me in a very good mood. It's one of those days you just feel like driving for miles, and miles, and miles. I really wish I could, but my gas tank isn't going to let me. I have a photoshoot today. I'm pretty stoked, But I'd have to say a little more nervous then not.
I worked for so long yesterday. Only seven hours, but at my job, that feels like 3 days in one. Because it was so slow. And I kept getting mad at people, and I was mad at everyone who walked in the door after about 4 o clock, because I started to get hungry, and I hadn't eaten all day. So I would go in the back room, put cup of noodles in the microwave. But then person after person after person, Let's just say it took me an hour to eat a cup of noodles.
I talked business with Trent yesterday. It was great. Ideas are flowing. Now it's all in finding time.
I really wish I didn't have to go to school tomorrow. It's gonna be lame. All will be good as long as I can manage not to be tired the whole day. I don't even know if it is an A or B day. Geez.
Well I ought to go do dishes, shower, run to the store, then everything else. See ya!

I HATE HALLOWEEN!

I actually love Halloween, It's one of my favorite days of the year. This Halloween just wasn't my thing though. A lot of things happened. BLAH BLAH BLAH. You don't want to hear it.
But let's just say I'm not myself anymore. My mindset is not normal. I can't believe some of what I did tonight. The things I said. I fucked myself over. But it's not only my fault, So I guess that's okay. But not really, AGHH I'm just so mixed up. Overwhelmed.
I am now at my dad's house, waiting for a friend to come over. Hopefully she can.
I'm getting sleepy, but I'm way to mad to sleep. I'll probably end up killing someone in my sleep. I wouldn't really.
Music Music Music, I want to listen to some good good music.
Suggestions?
Well I'm done with this right now, I have nothing to write cause I'm so mad. Peace.

Crazy Grandma

Alex had a show the other day, I keep thinking it was last night, but it wasn't. Life is passing by so fast. I'm forgetting the days and what has happened, I've been there, but I haven't really been there. My mind has been all over the place, I've been a mess and it shows. I JUST TURNED 17 LAST WEEKEND!!!!
Crazy British grandma is chillen in a ball rolling down a hill. She totally loved it. This is what I'm watching on television right now.
I'm stoked for this new blog, I'm going to update it as much as possible. You can keep up with me and what I'm doing. It should be a good time. Everytime I will post a picture that I took the day I wrote the blog. Then this gives you something to look at, Trying to get you to visit more.
Enough about that though, Just check up on this every once in a while
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Today was the end of first term.
I'm so excited for it to finally be over. I feel like it went by super fast, but everything has been so slow, and I've been so behind, and there's always so much going on lately, so much to do. I've been too stressed to just sit down and relax. I've been running around like a chicken with it's head cut off.
My god, I don't know what I'm watching, it's something on TRUtv. It's the weirdest thing, Funny as shit for sure. Oh, They just said the name, WORLDS DUMBEST DARE DEVILS. I love it. Better than the OC. I've never really watched the OC. Only a few episodes. So I couldn't really say, but everyone seems to talk it up so much.
I was at work the other day. Liz, and employee at my work, IS NOT ALLOWED TO USE TAPE OR STICKERS! I hear her screaming from the backroom, HELP HELP HELP. I run in. She's stuck. We can't get her out of this mess. After a lot of hard work and determination, we got her out of it, but if you ever see her with something sticky in her hands, take it away immediately.
We wrote my manager a story, a story about what had happened. I don't work until Saturday, but I wonder what she has to say.

Tomorrow is Halloween, and I HAVE NO COSTUME. I'm sure all will go well though. I'm skinny enough. Plus everyone says I look like Hayley Williams from Paramore. You do not have any idea how many times a day I get this. & to tell you the truth. I don't see it. Nope, Not at all. Last weekend I was a cowboy nerd for the Halloween Party. And on my birthday, I was super nerd. with a stach. Sexy sexy.